i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
