go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
