This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
