After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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