Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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