Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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