i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
