Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the condom got lost in my hair
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
