We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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