so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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