Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize