Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
