its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
