I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
