Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
