just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
