Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
