I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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