can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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