My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
