I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
