Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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