My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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