i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
