you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
