Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
