totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
