Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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