I just pynch a tree in the face
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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