Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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