He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
