Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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