I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
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