I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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