hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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