Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
