just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
