Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
