last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I touched a dick in church today
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
