are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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