I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
