You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
