Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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