you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize