$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
