NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's blow job season.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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