The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
