i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
