i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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