The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
