my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
