i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
