Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
