Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
