I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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