oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
