we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
