you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
