Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
