Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
