I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
