Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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