I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
