You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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