My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
