oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
