Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
