My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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