Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Boobs speak an international language.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
