Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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