Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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