Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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