I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
