Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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