2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm really busy with my period
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