Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
