They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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