the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
