You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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