I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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