This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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