I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought