Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
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I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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