Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house