I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
