Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
