Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
