i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
